Careful what you wish for

Here I am. Before a woman that loves me so much. Or maybe she just thinks she loves me. She showers me with love and compliments and all I can think is that she is fake or desperate. Everything I ever wanted stands before me and yet I am not able to enjoy her. Maybe its my mind. I can't tell anymore. I don't want to be alone but I don't want to be with someone I don't generally care for, if that's even the case. As for God, he is giving me peace through this emotional cyclone that's twisting in me. This is the biggest test of my faith. Not sure why I even bothered writing about this. I want this to be more real than my flesh and blood. Please God, make what is not become what must be inside of me. I don't want to be the source of anothers pain.