Obsession

This Sunday was a difficult one for me. I was made acutely aware of my obsession. God has a way of making things abundantly clear if we are willing to listen. I was listening this Sunday. I often feel like the man in the image above, chained and controlled by something outside of me. I really don't want to be like this. My desire to have a partner is a natural one but it has almost transcended my relationship with Jesus Christ, and I hate it. I never used to be like this. But somewhere along the way I have become sidetracked. I have lost my focus to a point. Nevertheless, I keep pushing. I keep believing that somehow, someway, something will change. After all, God does not point something out and then leave it to us to solve it by ourselves. I think I am in the process of dying, and it is through this dying I will come to know my Lord at a more intimate level. Yet, what he asks from me seems more than I can give. How can I surrender the possibility of having a woman in my life who will love me. Maybe God asks this from me because it is so dear to my heart. That's what he did with Abraham right ? He asked for what was most precious to him, Isaac. I am not sure, but I know that if I really want to live than I have to die (John. 11:25). It is such a strange battle in heart and mind at times. The war in my soul between having control and relinquishing that control unto God. The temptation to take matters into my own hands or surrender to the Lord's leading. One thing I know for sure, I don't want to be controlled by anything other than Jesus Christ.